He doesn’t do anything a grown man should do outside of the finances. In my eyes they’re basic things that every human should be able to do. Babe he can’t even turn the heater on and he’s lived here 2 years.
I’ve been married for 2 years now and honestly, I love my husband very much. He’s caring, supports my mental health and my bad anxieties. Financially he’s great too. I get what I want basically. He loves me to death and it’s amazing to know that.
But here’s the problem. I’m not proud of how he makes his money but he’s a grown man and he knows that “this lifestyle” will soon come to and end as we’ve spoken about it. He’s planning to become legit and make money the right way inshallah. However he’s been to prison twice on me in the space of being married. Yes it was hard but alx he’s home now.
We’ve been married 2 years now as I’ve mentioned, yet this guy does absolutely NOTHING for me or himself even. It’s like he’s my child.
He can’t get himself water, run himself a bath or shower. He can’t get his clothes out himself it’s always where’s my socks or get my clothes out for me. He can’t take his dishes and put it in the sink NOT even wash just put it in the sink. He can’t pick a thing up off the floor. He doesn’t make himself doctor or appointments I always call them up.
He doesn’t do anything a grown man should do outside of the finances. In my eyes they’re basic things that every human should be able to do. Babe he can’t even turn the heater on and he’s lived here 2 years.
He’s very messy. He argues with me when I ask him to do basic things and honestly this has been a constant battle for 2 years. it baffles me.
Whenever we get to our in-laws house, I see why he is the way he is. They baby him, I legit witnessed his mum feed the guy as if he was a baby. Honestly it makes me sick Wallahi. Me and the in laws don’t have a great relationship and it’s been off and on for the whole marriage.
My relationship with my in laws continued to go down hill. His brother hates me and I asked my husband multiple times to set him straight and tell him to stop the disrespect but yet it never stopped. My husband has tried to put his foot down but his brother continued to cross the line. When we tell his parents what goes on, they don’t do anything about it. Everyone on my in laws side are very unsupportive of our marriage, they disregard everything and paint me out to be some villain but to my face, subhanallah its like they love me. Even on my wedding day, they treated my family members poorly, especially his Mother and that broke me.
My close friends and family see how they treat me and they tell me it’s unhealthy and not interact with them. But when I do, my husband continuously forces them down my throat and me being miskeen and wanting to be the bigger person, I try to be cordial just for him. However in the end, my mental health has deteriorated as a result of their treatment towards me.
One day, my brother in law crossed the line whilst I was visiting the house. Usually when I visit with my husband, they make sure he’s not there as he’s very aggressive and has outbursts towards people but this time he came unexpectedly when my husband had popped out to the shops. My brother in law did something very unthinkable and said some hurtful things that I can’t get over. To avoid anymore confrontation, I decided to get my shoes and leave. I said bye to my mother in law in front of everyone. As I put my shoes on, my MIL asked me why I was leaving, even though she did not stop her son from verbally attacking me. I felt like she was gas lighting me.
I specifically said “I’m not gonna stay, I’m gonna go” and she kept poking and saying why.
At this point I grew very agitated and tried to call my husband. Out of nowhere my brother in law spat in my face, all in front of his family, and told me to go f**k myself. His mum slapped him and told him to stop but till today I feel like it was all a show. He then got angry and stood up. He was LIVID.
What happen next shocked me for good
He got up and proceeded to charge at me.
He literally beat me up. He laid hands on me. He punched me and I stood my ground and didn’t fall. For some reason he took this as an act of defiance and continued to punch me blow after blow. I still fought back and eventually this 6ft giraffe man got me on the ground and he didn’t stop. Well I fell down that’s when he continued to stomp on my face.
Yes his mum and aunties tried to stop him but he kept on attacking me.
I ran out to the room to call my husband and my in laws all tried to grab my phone and stop me from telling him. They kept saying “don’t tell him they’re both going to fall out, they’re brothers” and all I could think was my husband left me here with not a scratch and I still haven’t seen what my face looked like but I knew it was fucked up. How could all of this happen in such a short amount of time?
I was hysterical and ran outside to call him, and my husband was so shocked he couldn’t believe me. That was when he asked to Facetime me so he could see my face. When he saw what his brother had done to me, he hung up the phone. A few minutes later, he showed up to the house hellbent on killing his brother. It all kicked off.
My MIL kept screaming and crying, telling my husband to calm down and that this can be sorted out once everyone calmed down. I just ran out the door because I needed to leave that toxic environment.
I drove to my mums house and I completely broke down.
My mum hated these people from the very beginning and knew something like this would happen, but I never listened. She would always tell me “don’t go there these people hate you”.
Long story short my husband hasn’t seen his brother once since it happen. His brother called him right after and said I only pushed her but that wasn’t the true.
The most shocking part was that my MIL tried to deny it all, she called my mum and said I fell when they were pulling us apart and that why I had a bruise on my face. She kept holding onto the fact that she was trying to stop the fight but it was too late, I was battered and bruised.
My husband is still waiting on the day he catches his brother but for now nothing else has happened.
I feel like the reason I have all these issues with my mental health and anxieties it’s because of my husband and his family. My husband has his fair share of issues that I’ve been dealing with on top of his family but I just can’t do it anymore.
It’s bad we don’t go out on dates not once during our whole marriage and it doesn’t help that I feel like he’s my child and not husband. We have had a blast at times but everything else that goes on takes a mental toll on me. I love my husband he respects me but I can’t in my 2nd year of being married to him be his mother. It’s off putting and I can’t let go what I’ve been put through with his mistakes and his family’s behaviour.
We don’t have kids and at times I wish I did because I’ve always wanted to be a Mother, but that thought leaves my mind as soon as I remember I don’t wanna bring a child into this life knowing what I go through with this man and his family.
I’m STUCK because I know he can do better, he just doesn’t want too. Honestly I’m not the same happy, positive girl I was when I met him. I’m not me. Is it bad to say ever since we tied the knot life has thrown me backwards and nothing ever goes right? Like he brings me bad luck?
I love my husband and he loves me but it’s just words right? Actions speak louder. I have sabr and make so much dua that things will change but there’s only so much I can take.
Everytime I look at him and or he does things or we have a disagreement every bad thing just come back up and I know it’s because I’ve not healed from anything or got peace.
He sometimes makes me feel like I’m crazy when I constantly talk about the same things.
He gaslights me, manipulates situations and I sit there and think I don’t wanna be married to you anymore. As much as we make great memories or have a laugh and the fact he’s my bestfriend, I feel like this isn’t a marriage and it’s never been one.
I’m disappointed, disgusted and I wanna walk away but how?
How do I walk away from my marriage I’ve been in for 2 years?